Thanks, But You Really Shouldn’t Have

For those of you who don’t pay attention to my unwavering, unabashed, unsightly self promotion, I have another, slightly more popular little blog called The Chronicles of Creepy Pants. Unlike this blog, CCP is a fictional blog centering on a perverse and peculiar character, whose behaviour alters from the mostly grotesque to the sometimes endearing, which (hopefully) presents a paradox that the reader will struggle to try to reconcile.

Creep.

As a serialised collection of stories, CCP has a shelf life. There is only so much I can have to say through Mr Creepy Pants. However, I will always have a soft spot for him and I will be sad when the day comes to end his story. CCP was my first serious foray into the blogosphere and the spark that re-ignited my passion for creative writing.

CCP has a very small, but loyal fan base, for which I am both thankful and proud. And it sounds corny, but I am mostly happy that Mr Creepy Pants seems to bring a little bit of joy to people’s lives. Who would have thought?

Through WordPress, I have formed great relationships with numerous bloggers who are far more talented than I am. Everyday, I learn more and more about writing and humour and crafting stories through these bloggers. Well on most days. Some days I can’t really be bothered reading, so I’ll just watch repeats of Grand Designs or Come Dine With Me and hate myself instead.

During Mr Creepy Pants’ tenure, some of my fellow bloggers have been gracious enough to bestow upon me various “blogging awards”. I could be really cynical here and go on a rant about how these are not actually awards, but rather glorified electronic chain letters, an exercise in mutual masturbation, stroking each others massive throbbing egos through reciprocal blog promotion.

I could say that. However, I am hardly in a position to be scoffing at opportunities to promote my blog. Hell, I’ve already promoted my other blog at least six times in this post. Plus I love mutual masturbation. So I choose to stomp on the head of Cynicism and embrace the Blogging Spirit with open arms. After all, it is quite nice that at of the tens of thousands of blogs out in the Blogoverse, there are bloggers out there that chose to give me one of the awards.

I love you, Blogoverse.

The problem with being offered these awards is that they are laced with all kinds of conditions and provisos. All of the awards require you to repost the award, name the blog/blogger that awarded it to you and provide a list of other bloggers you would like to bestow the award upon. Most of the awards also have a serious of questions about yourself, or your blog, or the universe that you need to answer in your post.

There’s nothing particularly wrong with this. At the very least, it give you something to blog about. However, it never felt appropriate to create one of these posts on my CCP blog, as this was strictly a serialised story blog. It would therefore be jarring to suddenly break out of narration mode and create a post in which I thanked bloggers for giving me an award and outline seven random things about me that you didn’t know. It just didn’t sit right in Mr Creepy Pants’ little universe.

However, now that I have another little blog with my own little voice, I have a platform to thank the bloggers that have helped to build my little reader base and return the favour to the Blogoverse by outlining my favourite little blogger.

Expatria is yet to draw any real attention from the blogosphere, however the following were kind enough to give awards to The Chronicles of Creepy Pants.

The Thank-Yous

The Adventures of Transman

Transman was one of my very first supporters and someone I consider to be a true kindred spirit and virtual friend. Way back in February, Transman gifted me with the 7 x7 Award.

Transman’s adventures are not unlike Creepy Pants chronicles, in that both give us a deeply personal insight into their everyday lives. Of course, Transman is a little more endearing, with a lot less creep factor.

Being a gay man, I am no stranger to gender and sexuality issues, however Transman’s unfortunate presentation with the “wrong birthday suit” puts all of my struggles into sobering perspective. Transman tells his story with humour and grace, inspiring me to be braver about my true self.

Enhanced for Illustration Purposes

A widow. A mother. A blogger. Alone. Unfortunately, I never really got to know Enhanced, as she disappeared into the blogging ether back in September 2011. Reading her blog was a bit like visiting nana. She would tell short little tales about the latest gossip in her life. Like when her appendix burst or how she was preparing herself to get naked in front of a man for the first time for a while.

Her disappearance kind of bummed me. Why did she disappear? Is she happy, starting a new life with rugged yet gentle fire man? Or did she choke on some popcorn while watching AMC Classics alone on a Sunday night? I will never know…

In Enhanced’s last post, she was kind enough to bestow upon me the Versatile Blogger award. If we take the name verbatim, I would say that the award was incredibly misplaced as CPP is far from a versatile blog; it’s pretty much a one trick pony. However, I thank her for the sentiment.

Family Haikus

Poetry is dead. I feel like somebody famous said that. Didn’t they? Maybe I just made that up. I could google the shit out of that, but I’m busy writing a post that fewer people are going to read than I care to think about (thanks WordPress statistics for throwing that in my face).

Anyhoo.

Poetry is not dead. Sure, it can be a little lame, but there are people out there who continue to implement its whimsical charms. Family Haikus is one of those people. As the title of her blog suggests, FH starts each of her blog posts with a delightful haiku. Like a witty little overture, FH’s haikus give us an often humorous insight into the thoughts she is about to unleash in her post.

She is creative and she was kind enough to give me the Kreativ Blogger Award back in February this year. What a darling.

Paltry Meanderings of the Taller Than Average Woman

Cristy Carrington Lewis: former lawyer, berater of Alan Alda, hater of wit, bajillion times Freshly Pressed, soon-to-be-best-selling-novelist, taller than the average woman. I would be riddled with jealous-fueled hate if it wasn’t for the fact that she is so goddamned funny. Plus, I really am quite a decent person.

I could write about Cristy forever (maybe three paragraphs), however chances are you probably already read her blog. And if you don’t, then you should. And if you won’t, then you’re probably an idiot. If you are an idiot, you are still welcome to read my blog.

In true Cristy style, she wrote an epic blog about all of the wonderful awards that fellow bloggers have sent her way and she was kind enough to send them on to me. All. Of. Them. I didn’t really want to post the picture of the guy who needs a seriously thick application of Driclor, so I chose the sunny one with the pretty flower.

In return for the awards, Cristy asked the recipients to answer 11 delightful questions. Cristy: I thank you for the award and I otherwise choose to ignore your questions. Lalalalalalalalala. It’s nothing personal, but it wouldn’t be fair to the questions attached to all the other awards that I ignored, would it? Plus, I just wrote a big spiel about how wonderful you are, so be grateful already. Yikes!

The Deserving Bloggers

As I noted above, the way these awards generally work is that I am meant to:

(1) thank the blogger(s) that gave me the award;

(2) answer a bunch of weird questions;and

(3) name a bunch of other bloggers who I think are deserving of the award(s).

I have decided to skip step (2) and jump straight to (3). I do this for a number of reasons. Firstly, given I have lumped a few awards into the one post, the question-answering could get a bit repetitive. Secondly, this post is already long enough. Thirdly, I don’t want to!

I know, I’m breaking all the blog-award rules (well just one, really), however I feel like readers can learn enough about me through my blog posts.

And with that, I am going to start a new ward tradition. One without traditions. Below is a list of my all-time favourite bloggers (not counting the bloggers mentioned above) who deserve attention from all of the people. You heard me. ALL of the people. And in return for the award I ask nothing in return.

You do not need to thank me on your blog (although it would be appreciated).

You do not need to answer a bunch of questions.

You do not need to pass it on to other people.

Just be happy in the knowledge that I LOVE YOU. And for that, I bestow upon you the Thanks-For-The-Award-and-I’m-Sorry-for-Being-a-Bad-Blogger-and-Not-Passing-it-Along-:( Award.

Congratulations to YOU!

The Girl with the Blog

It is important that you read the title of the blog correctly. Lena is The Girl with The Blog (emphasis required).

For a long time, when I read Lena’s posts I would imagine that we were best friends, sitting in her apartment in our pyjamas eating potato chips and talking about our tragic lives. And when she didn’t blog for a few days, I would get in a frenzy and wonder whether my best girl friend was okay. The therapist helped me greatly with my delusions.

Nowadays, I see Lena as Heather Horvath in Girls (played by another amazingly talented Lena) and with every blog post I hope that I could be privileged to guest star on her amazing show (hopefully not as her gay ex-boyfriend, because he was gross). My therapist is still working with me on this delusion.

Lena is the shit, I adore her, and you should too (especially now that she has been Freshly Pressed). I look forward to the day that we work together on our own HBO half hour comedy on our insecurities and first world problems.

BLAG

BLAG was the first blogger that I become obsessed with, since commencing my WordPress career. He hasn’t been blogging as much lately, however when he does, he is still shit funny. BLAG doesn’t blog about anything in particular. He just provides his audience with acerbic little observations on life. Often ironic. Usually cynical. Always hilarious.

And if you have any need any advice, be sure to write to him at MailBLAG. He might not give you the most sensible answer, but it’s likely to be the funniest. He was even kind enough to give Mr Creepy Pants fellow work mates a bit of advice here.

37, Gay and Single

The name of this blog sums it up pretty succinctly. I don’t know his name, however The Single Gay Blogger’s posts are so raw, humbling and unabashedly honest that I feel like we are old friends. Or at least part-time acquaintances.

He has taken us through the painful breakdown of his 11 year relationship, the idiosyncrasies of gay online dating, and the exhilaration and awkwardness of dating again.

Second Lunch

I am the kind of douche bag that is always talking about the latest HBO show, some new European art film or some essay on existential wankery. I certain that most my friends only listen to fifty percent of what I say.

However, I’m not all about art house cred. I also like fart jokes. And cartoons. This is where Second Lunch comes in (not so much on the fart jokes, as with the cartoons). Second Lunch’s cartoon strips are colourful and cute and oh so witty and I love them. The rest of the bloggers can thank him for creating the Thanks-For-The-Award-and-I’m-Sorry-for-Being-a-Bad-Blogger-and-Not-Passing-it-Along-:( Award by checking out his blog.

Eatgaylove

I generally like Julia Roberts. However, I loathe Elizabeth Gilbert and everything she represents. And yet, somehow, I am enthralled by this blog.

Sometimes I can come across as a cynical old Grinch, however I also love romance and mysticism and travel. Eatgaylove wonderfully encapsulates all of this. Honest, unpretentious, beautifully written. If you are tired of looking at the world through jaded eyes, then Eatgaylove’s rose-coloured vignettes are for you.

Cereal With A Fork

Sometimes, I am seriously not in the mood to read. All I want is something glossy and colourful and full of pictures. At my most tragic, I will read a horrible gossip magazine. At my best, I will look up this blog.

Remember Farside comics? They were funny. So is Cereal With A Fork. Trust me. If you need a weekly pick me up, this comic blog is for you. I just wish he/she would upload them daily.

The Young Plum

I only recently found The Young Plum and I am so glad I did. He is so adorable. Oh yes he is. Oh yes he is! When he gets on his little soap box and rips the shreds out of silly people, I just want to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair and give him a treat.

Wait, that kind of sounds like I think of him as a dog. I don’t. He is young, and quirky, and witty and an immensely talented writer. He might deny it. He might not. Either way, he has the Freshly Pressed post to prove it.

In many ways, I see him as the male, gay, New York version of The Girl with the Blog (you’re in New York right? Why do I think you live in New York?) and I can’t wait to get to know him more. I understand that he will be starting a creative writing course at university soon, but between you and me, I don’t think he needs it.

Thanks again for all the support in the Blogosphere and please read all the blogs in this post. They deserve it!

And for the award winners, whilst you’re under no obligation to repost this, please feel free to post the award on your blogs in the name of well deserved bragging rights.

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17 thoughts on “Thanks, But You Really Shouldn’t Have

  1. I love this. Not just because you plugged my blog twice, although let’s face it, that’s pretty phenomenal. But because I too think of us as the best of friends and hope that we can take our best friendliness off WordPress and onto the much more initimate friend venue of Facebook at some point in the future. But then I’m not sure how I would feel about it because you might discover things about me that make you a little sick, like how I posted a picture on my Facebook of myself peeing in a hole on the beach when I was 17. I don’t want things to change, but they can’t stay like this forever. Tears. I’m crying real tears here.

    Not really.

    But for reasons that have nothign to do with me, this is a great post. I don’t love receiving awards for the same reason that you don’t love receiving them, but you are a decent person and actually follow through with them. Therefore I am following through on actually visiting these blogs. You make me a better person apparently.

    Thanks again for plugging me and all the other dirty things I can’t name and wouldn’t make sense since you are gay.

    OK I’m done now.

    • Did I plug your blog twice? Yikes, you are a publicity whore, aren’t you? I’m starting to think you might be Jezebel reincarnate. Luckily I like bitchy women.

      One of my best friends was very proud of the fact that SHE could urinate off of a balcony without any significant splash back. She showed me on one of the first occasions that we got drunk together. Ten years later, we are still friends. You don’t have anything to worry about.

      It’s true. I do make you a better person. I make everyone a better person. My influence is like that of a gay Jesus. Or just normal Jesus. It’s entirely fictional, but incredibly entertaining.

      Seeing as I am gay and Italian, I am likely to have had several female lovers this month, so feel free to say dirty things to me when ever you like.

  2. Sniff. Sniff. (Wiping my eyes)

    Oh, don’t go thinking I’m touched by your kind words and mutual masturbatory adulation, I just have a cold. Really. And good for you for creating a fab new award that promotes the sending of cake.

    I like cake. Why have I not received any cake?

    I will probably like many of these blogs. Except for The Adventures of Transman. I LOVE his blog and it has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve known him for more than twent – erm, a long time. He’s simply brilliant…and you are equally talented, my friend. And an HBO fan…which makes me love you and your writing all the more.

    Oh, did I mention that gay men are my people? Meet Backstreet’s “Miss Fag Hag 1987.” No, I didn’t make that up. It’s a real title. So if things don’t work out with Lena, let me know. Though, I might be tempted to approach her because you went on and on about how amaze-balls she is. And I love the show “Girls.” Damn. Hard call.

    Congrats again on all your awards.

    xo

    CCL

    • I figured if I wasn’t getting any cake, no one else was getting any either. Kind words are enough!

      Now I really want cake. Blast!

      I totally knew that you were a fruit fly from way back (buzzing around all the fruits, get it?) You practically ooze it. You will always be one of my pals, but you have so many goddamned virtual friends that I figured it would be presumptuous of me to include me in your close quarters. I’m like the nerdy kid at school who idolises one of the cool kids, fantasizes that we are the best of friends, but the cool kid actually barely acknowledges the nerdy kids existence.

      That makes you sound like a real bitch. At least I called you cool? Anyhoo, you can hang with me anytime.

      Now who’s cool?

      • Have you not actually read my blog? It’s littered with references to Star Wars, David Sedaris and Vladimir Putin. I can assure you that no one thinks that’s cool. Hubby and I are currently re-watching the last season of Dr. Who in our spare time. We can’t wait to watch The Newsroom on Sunday nights. I own a painting of R2-D2 and C3PO dressed as Bert and Ernie. I was not offering coolness with my blogship, but rather someone with whom you can bitch about all the really cool bloggers out there. The ones who won’t hang with us. You’re the one who looks like Christopher Walken – or maybe you are Christopher Walken – so you are vastly cooler than me.

      • I can assure you that I look nothing like Christopher Walken. And, whilst I think that he is a cool person, I am otherwise quite content with looking ABSOLUTELY nothing like him.

        I stress this fact. I DO NOT look like Christopher Walken.

        I must admit, knowing that you are RE-watching the current incarnation of Dr Who in your spare time seriously impacts on your cool credentials. However, you like cake pops, so you must be relatively amazing.

  3. Now I’m going to worry about what happened to Enhanced. 😦 (You know I’m upset when I use symbolic faces.) Looking forward to checking out the bloggers I haven’t read yet that you’ve highlighted here.

    You’re an amazing talent. I never give compliments unless I mean it.

    • No you’re amazing. No YOU’RE amazing. Oh, stop it! WE are amazing. Now that settles that.

      Isn’t it so strange that you can get so caught up in other bloggers little worlds and then they can disappear and you will likely never hear from them again. Even if they set up another blog, how would you know?

  4. I, too, am both flattered and appreciate the fact that I don’t have to do anything! When I started my first blog, an award was something you got without having to first tell the person who gave it to you why they’re awesome. I don’t mind telling you that you’re awesome, but mainly you’re awesome because you didnt demand that I tell you that.

    Oh, add me to the list of people who also appreciate mutual masturbation, too.

    Nor do you want my bank account number, which is also a big plus. I keep getting these notices that I’ve won £50,000,000 in the UK lottery but they never deposit the money like they’re supposed to.

    Except for The Young Plum, I don’t know any of these folks. Guess I’ve got some reading to catch up on!

  5. Pingback: Awards. Accolades. War. | BLAG

  6. woooah! thanks!

    I promise, you’ve already learned all the important things there is to know about me. I’m not a gentleman of much depth.

    To clarify, I traveled between New York and North Carolina for work, and my dad threatened to financially cut me off completely if I stayed in New York and didn’t get into a University in North Carolina, resulting in how I landed in creative writing. Which I’m not sure is something you can really be taught…but…I mean..whatever….The goal is to get back to New York as quickly as possible.

    Lastly, I always thought I’d make a pretty damn good dog.
    and not like a prissy dog you can stuff into a handbag, either.

    Like a real dog. Chasing shit, and pleasuring myself inappropriately in very public places with no sort of conviction.

    I could be a dog but until that magical moment occurs, you can simply call me, ‘Michael’

    save your dog biscuits.

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