From the Toilet Bowl

Aren’t iPhones amazing? The new iOS 6 map function can’t tell me how to get a bus from Shoreditch to Chancery Lane (or even display half of Scotland apparently. However, I can write this blog post while sitting in the loo thanks to my trusty WordPress app.

Marvelous!

You are probably wondering why I am blogging on the toilet bowl. Or at least why I am sharing this disgusting fact with you. Rest assured, I am not using the toilet for its intended purpose (although I’m conveniently placed, should I suddenly have the urge). Alas, I am forced here due to my job.

For the last month, I have been experiencing some liquidity issues. Perhaps that’s not the best term to use when given my disclosed location (toilet humour – get it? So many levels to my wit!) To dumb it down a little, I have been kinda broke.

I know, I know, sad words from a guy who has been recounting all of his travels around Europe. Boo hoo! However, since my last trip to Croatia I have been in a spot of bother.

To start with, I was stuck in a job in a Magic Circle firm (look it up, seriously ugh) paying next to minimum wage to do awful work. It was too bad to start with. I was allowed to work overtime and I made two very good friends, Sophie and Gunth (I’ve blogged about them before, to their distaste).

Then the firm took away our overtime.

Soon, Gunth and Sophie left.

Not only was I broke, but I was miserable and my money issues became worse. I defaulted on mortgage. I had bills I couldn’t pay. Interest was accruing on my credit card. And 2 months had passed and I was I was still waiting for my Australian tax return – my one life line – causing me to freak out and believe that I had accidentally committed tax fraud.

Obviously, fraud requires some kind o intent. You can’t be deceptive by accident: it’s just called getting it wrong. But I wasn’t thinking straight.

All my money woes were causing me unwelcome stress. I couldn’t sleep at night, I was having anxiety attacks, and I was looking at having to make the decision of throwing it all on and running back to Australia early and with no money.

Perhaps this is all a bit of an over share? Hell, what are blogs for if not for whinging about your troubles. And I genuinely felt troubled. I felt trapped, and horribly guilty about constantly disappointing JD, who was putting up with my mood swings.

Luckily, my first world problems were soon resolved by first world economies. This week I started a new job. And I received my tax return, free of a federal indictment! My anxiety has lifted and I can buy clothes again! Oh, and pay the bills.

So why am I sitting on the toilet?

Despite all my problems, I was reluctant to take my new job. I wouldn’t have, but for the fact that it pays three times as much as my last job. So here I am, working 7 days and 70+ hours a week. I spend this time sitting in a room with 60 “lawyers”, reviewing thousands of documents on a computer. I’m not allowed to use my phone. I need to log all of breaks, however small. And I do not have access to the Internet.

First world problems. Although I’m pretty sure they have the Internet in India.

This is a short term solution. I am short listed for two interviews for two “real” jobs, so with any luck I will be outta here within two weeks. Until then, I will enjoy paying the bills. And if worse comes to worst, I’ll stay here for month and then blow all of my money on a big holiday.

Hooray for not learning lessons from struggles past!

Anyway, I was just popping by to say hello, so I will flush and bid you adieu. I hope you appreciate the effort I have gone to. And please ignore any spelling and grammatical errors in this post: the iPhone is terrible at fixing those. However, it did take a wonderful picture of my temporary blog-office!

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11 thoughts on “From the Toilet Bowl

    • I realise this is spam, but it just feels so good to get someone (something) commenting on my blog. And such nice words!

      Thank you, sunglasses wholesaler. I really DO feel like I could help people greatly. I will keep up the great work for all the people!

  1. Hey man, I thought it was a good post!

    I also thought you might be interested in freeipad [dot] cn, it’s this really cool site where you can get FREE iPad 4 or $500 Amazon gift cards just by taking the survey!

  2. I love this entry. I mean, I LOVE it. Maybe because I recently blogged about sleeping on my toilet at work so I feel this kindred connection to you. But I really just think it’s because it is A. Hilarious and B. a good reminder that some people hate their jobs more than me.

    • I’m at a new level of hate. Particularly because my Plan Bs failed exactly 4 minutes after executing this post. It’s like a game of Jumanji – nobody wins. Wait, what?

      I’m glad so much love can come from my pain. This job had actually numbed my senses so completely that I am starting to experience a delirious euphoria. So it’s not all bad. Plus the pay.

      And yes, I’m am writing this comment on my iPhone at WORK.

  3. Ahhh I don’t know what’s worse being in a crappy job or searching for a job and even being stiffed for the crappy ones…great post by the way…and not just saying, a nice balance of humour, candidness and some gutsyness…wow private bathroom…alas for all us petty stall users…

    • To be fair, I was using the disabled toilets. I know that is a big no-no, but the toilet is on the first floor, only for staff members, and I have never seen anyone in the building with a wheel chair.

      Besides, no Internet! The horror!

      Thanks for your comments 🙂

  4. Pingback: I Quit « Ex-Patria

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